Friday, April 25, 2014


It's Friday night.  Kids tucked in, husband working in our office, and I'm sitting on my couch browsing the internet in my blissful loneliness.  I'm also nursing a sour stomach thanks to my over stuffing myself at dinner.  Ever have one of those days when food just calls your name and wants you to shove it in your mouth!  Comfort for stress or anything else that is bothering you.  I shouldn't feel bad today.  I am so proud of myself for getting back to poundin' the pavement this week...three times!  Running was my release for a few years until I inadvertently hurt myself during the recovery from a massive half marathon race.  I just haven't been the same since that dreadful day.  I would start back up then slow back down.  Over and over and over again.  THIS is my I-don't-know-how-many-times-I've started-over-again beginning.  It is said that it is never too late to start over, even if you have to do it a few times.  I never give up on myself.  Good and bad days are my life, hell...they are EVERY one's life.  I'm not special, just a woman who struggles with the demons that lie within trying to beat me down and set me up to fail.  Those demons are sugar addiction, a bruised self esteem, and a hormone imbalance.  But even WITH those things, what makes my life so hard?  So I have an awnry 3 year old.  So sometimes I have a tiny bit of OCD and can't go to bed with dirty dishes in my sink or flattened couch pillows <shutter>.  So some days I eat chocolate chips for lunch.  I'm human and we all deal with stuff.  Nights like these come and go but tonight was different because I came across some one's story that put it all in perspective for me.  A woman, who was a TV news anchor in my city, moved away a few months ago to fight her devastating cancer.  I went through reading and watching posts she had on facebook and couldn't believe her overwhelming zest for life, her will,  and her bright shining smile.  There is NO way I could handle her circumstances in the same graceful way that she does.  She preaches good health and taking care of our bodies.  I feel sick thinking about how awful I've been to my body over the last year and how wrecked her body is trying to fight cancer with poison in it's veins.  I mean seriously...the things our bodies can do is unreal.  Make babies, run, create, and cure itself.  What I discovered with this "do over" for me is that I need to follow through for the sake of all that is beautiful and special--my body.  I love her.  I love everything she has ever done for me.  Even though I have things wrong with me, I still know that my body fights every day to stay alive and I need to remember that it is a sacred vessel that I need to cherish and treat with the utmost respect.  You want to run?  I'll run for you.  You want to eat clean and healthy?  I will eat fuel for you.  I am grateful for you and what you deal with every day. You deserve so much better.  I will give you better.

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